Today started to dawn on me that changing the way i deal with a problem doesn’t have to be scary. I’m not too old or stubborn to change the ways i address issues. The way I always try to deal with an issue is t put myself in the situation and to immerse myself in the emotions involved. I’m being challenged at uni just now to cast aside the way i would naturally problem solve, and to open up my mind about just how much more i can understand something if i’m willing to look at it from a different perspective.
Learning about being a “21st century designer” intimidates me. I know that I will have to adapt as I learn. But I struggle to see past myself when it comes to making things.
It doesn’t matter what the breif is about I have to apply my knowledge and experiences to the project. I dont think about “my target market”. As soon as I start to think about what other people want or like, I lose myself. It becomes generic.
I feel a pressure to alter HOW I work to suit this image that is being portrayed to us of a 21st century designer.
I know Im just seeing things black and white, there can obviously be compromises and not all designers work in the ultra business minded way that i feel pressured to attempt.
Instead of feeling lucky and excited to be a design student I feel this looming pressure to be this thing that im not sure I can be.
I love using dolls to make things, to me dolls represent me, they are a mini me that i can use to process a feeling.
Even my closest friends find my love of dolls “creepy” Im not offended, but I am confused. What is it about dolls that people find creepy? Is it the same sort of creepy as posters, that unblinking following you with their eyes kind of creepy?
Id appreciate opinions on dolls because id like to understand what other people automatically think of when they see a doll. Im not intending to take this research and rework my art to suit others, I just want to understand because right now I feel a little out of the loop.
I feel like Its been months since i organised my thoughts. Its been 3 years since I organised my flat, I’m not joking it is a bomb site. The knowledge of being a lazy person, not being able to invite people over, dreading going home and feeling like nobody really knows what I’m like, have effected my mental well being.
My first brief this semester is about rituals, routines, religion and self. I’m not a spiritual or religious person. And over the last few years, I have noticed that I don’t really know what I like anymore, what my opinions are.
I started to think about aspects of spirituality/religion that I have adopted in my own way. I thought about rituals and routines that i take on and why i do them. The thing that I kept coming back to was shrines, and alters. Because although I don’t tidy, or organize, I likened some of the arrangements of mess in my flat to the composition of shrines. I also thought about some of the private ways I deal with situations. I lost somebody, I’m not over it, I don’t think people do get over it, but there are ways I remind myself about him. And there are ways that I pretend to communicate with him. Let me reiterate I am not spiritual, I just sometimes need to use my imagination to make the real world easier to cope with.
I don’t know yet what I will make as a final piece, but just now I’m enjoying processing my emotions through my uni work.
I’ve just started volunteering for an art advocacy project that I used to attend myself. Its called Art Angel and it is “run by and for people with experience of mental health difficulties in Dundee”. There are a variety of different groups from writing to photography, to the more general open art groups, there is also a youth group for anyone over 16 to about 23. But there is no pressure for you to have to make anything. A lot of the time when I was a part of the youth group and the art group I would come in just to sit in good company, chat and take full advantage of the biscuits and tea available.
There was no scary feeling walking in, it felt like no time had passed. The kitchen still smelled like zest-it, the place was still bright and warm and filled with hundreds of beautiful works of art. I introduced myself to everyone as they came in, and felt so welcomed. My first day on the job involved floating about, helping if someone couldn’t find something, and making cups of tea. I was also encouraged to make something if i wanted, which gave me a great opportunity to sit with the group and chit chat, learn about some really clever and interesting people. I think i’m going to like volunteering here.
I spent a week procrastinating. I let my insecurities about uni turn in to a big scary all encompassing life crisis. After boring everyone I know with my moans I realized I probably had to wise up . I went in to uni yesterday and finished soldering a wee sample I had in my mind and I finished it. I cant describe how just completing a very small thing in my head made me all chuffed with myself and for now at least I have a totally different mindset on everything that’s being asked of me at concerning uni… also went charity shopping and bought myself some amazing boots, pretty sure they helped.
I only realized after leaving school what the teachers meant when they said “apply yourself” via Daily Prompt: Realize